1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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