Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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