just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
