My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
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I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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