I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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