if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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