she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
