i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
