We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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