Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
