I want to stick my p in your. b.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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