Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
