Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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