Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
