i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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