So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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