I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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