So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
