So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
