I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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