I seem to have left my pride at pride
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.