you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.