a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
