How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
