My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
