I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
