i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
