look no pants
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize