All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
