guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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