Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
