Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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