You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
