Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
