I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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