So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
