guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
