Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
