it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Semen is not good for contacts.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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