listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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