she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
4 words: hood of his car
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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