i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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