All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
