so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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