well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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