I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
