She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
