it was like his penis was on wheels.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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