I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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