she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im drinking this country out of the recession.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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