i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
