im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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