I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
