Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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