Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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