He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
