Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
