If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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