im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it's like iHOP with fire
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
