He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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