their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
