I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
