He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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