after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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