she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
