Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
