he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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